Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
