I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize