Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
