ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
