THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
