dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
