Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
