She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize