also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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