she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
