Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
