How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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