Whod you bang
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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