it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
