You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
