i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize