you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
