I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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