A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
