I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i believe in u and ur pee
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
