He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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