so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
