so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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