"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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