If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
