Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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