I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
