Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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