I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
