Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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