He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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