chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
