you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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