I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
