I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
