Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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