It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
