I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
