I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
