I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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