If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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