I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
