She said her name was "party"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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