Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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