Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize