You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
