dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
