i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
