I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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