I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
