I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
