You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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