Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
