At least make sure they are 18
Why
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
