Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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