I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
