they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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