Umm I'm too high to move.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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