There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
