Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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