dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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