When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
