i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
