Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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