the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
