those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This baby is an asshole
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
