I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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